Here There Be Dragons

Title: A Life of Lies
Author: KYTIVAFAN
Rating: Nothing offensive
Category: General - Angst
Characters: Tony (mentions of EJ and Ziva)
Summary: Tony comtemplates his future
Spoilers: 8.20 Two Faced
Word Count: 284
Disclaimer: Not mine: Never were, never will be

Tony lay on his back lost in thought.

EJ had left his bed not even an hour ago and though he had initiated the tryst, he found he could not give himself totally over to her and the sex suffered for it.  He was only going through the motions, and he knew it was as unsatisfying for her as it was for him.  He played it off as fatigue and unease at finding an eyeball in his drink.  She said she understood and he didn't even feel bad about lying to her.

It was just one more lie in a long list of lies that was his life.  He lied to his friends, he lied to his partner, he lied to his lover, he lied to his boss, but mostly he lied to himself.

He lied to himself -  that what he was doing was for the best - that a relationship with Ziva would never really work and being with EJ would be good for him.  They understood each other and she was easy to be with. 

He lied to himself - that he could be happy with her, he could be satisified with a life with her and eventually he would get over Ziva, he would be able to look at her and not feel a stab of love and pain in his heart.  Eventually they could be what he told himself everyday that they were - partners, friends - and nothing more. 

He lied to himself - that if he couldn't be with the one he loved, he could love the one he's with - just like that corny song said.

He rolled over and groaned - he was building his future on the quicksand of lies when four little words of truth could set him free:
                                                                                           I love you Ziva